porteño goodfellas

I often hear people declare and read news stories that claim Buenos Aires to be the Prague of the 21st century. While many Americans are coming here long term to write, create art, and otherwise try to earn a living, I'd like to explain one crucial difference between the Prague of the 1990's and the Buenos Aires of the Naughts.

A couple of weeks ago, I made a new friend from the States. His name's Tyler, and he contacted me after reading my blog as he had plans for a short trip to Buenos Aires. After a few exchanges of emails, I could tell Tyler was the type of traveler whose mind I love to pick, so we agreed to meet for coffee one afternoon. When Tyler walked through the door of the café, one of the first things I noticed about him was the rather large and expensive-looking camera slung over his shoulder. I couldn't help but think, "God, I hope he doesn't get mugged." He took a seat at my table and hung his camera off the back of his chair as we made our introductions. A few moments later, the waiter who came over to take our order grabbed Tyler's camera strap and warned him to keep an eye on his equipment. Slightly embarrassed, Tyler placed his camera on the table in front of him, and I tried to diffuse the situation by explaining that many waiters in this city try to look out for foreigners like this. To which Tyler replied, "Is crime really that bad here?" Well, at least the locals believe it is. I'll put it to you this way, one third of all of the foreigners I know here have been robbed, and my American boss Tony says 100% of his Argentine friends have been robbed too.

Now, I don't mean to discourage people from coming here. If you decide to vacation in Buenos Aires, the chances of you getting mugged are not that great granted that you use some basic street smarts. However, if you're looking to stay here longer, the risk is higher because there's a feeling in the city that sooner or later it happens to everybody. So I want to share with you three stories of some of my friends' experiences with crime in Buenos Aires and the lessons they learned.

Lesson #1: Be wary of certain barrios.
My first friend to be mugged was my German friend Sebastian. Sebastian was preparing for a month long trip to Peru to see his then girlfriend so he was trying to cram in lots of sightseeing before leaving. Late one afternoon, he went alone to the neighborhood of La Boca, the tourist magnet home of the tango with all the pretty colored buildings. As Sebastian was absorbing the sights and sounds, he wandered down a side street off the main drag, El Caminito. Before he knew it, he was cornered by two men, one with a knife and the other with a rock. They nervously demanded his wallet. As Sebastian handed it over, he realized that his Visa card, which he needed for his e-ticket to Peru, was inside. He immediately began to burst into tears begging the men to give him back his wallet for just a second because the only picture he had of his girlfriend was inside. The men relented and Sebastian deftly palmed his Visa card behind his novia's picture. The men took back the wallet and took off. All in all, Sebastian was lucky. The men made off with only 50 pesos as Sebastian's camera and the rest of his money were hidden from sight. Also, Sebastian's quick thinking, acting skills, and most importantly, his Spanish abilities kept him from losing much more. Of course, it isn't all that bright to hang out alone in La Boca at sunset either.

Lesson #2: Pay attention to your surroundings.
My friend Kristen and her boyfriend were living in an apartment in Palermo, a decently nice and pretty chic neighborhood, trying to survive as English teachers. The only downside to their apartment building was that when I buzzed their apartment, someone would have to physically come downstairs to let me in. Of course, since I don't look like much of a threat, 8 times out of 10 one of their neighbors would let me in and I would show up at their apartment boasting of my ninja skills. Late one day, Kristen was walking home, lost in her thoughts of returning to the States in a few short weeks. She finally arrived at her building and unlocked the front door, letting a young man in behind her. He followed her into the tiny four person elevator, whipped out a gun, and demanded all her money. She opened her wallet and promptly handed him 40 pesos (although she had another 100 pesos tucked away out of sight). The mugger then spied her cell phone and demanded that too. She took a second look at his gun, and, doubting its authenticity, refused to give up her cell. Kristen then proceeded to scold the guy telling him that he was "a bad, bad man" in Spanish. The elevator stopped and she ran to her apartment and locked herself inside. Kristen was lucky, she was unharmed and she got away with her phone and her hidden 100 pesos. Of course, I don't advocate standing up to a mugger. You can probably call him a bad, bad man though.

Lesson #3: Never, ever, ever invite people you don't know into your home.
This last story is about an American who was not so lucky...we'll call him Matt to protect whatever innocence he still has left. Matt is a teacher at one of my institutes who recently arrived to Buenos Aires. He's been living in his own apartment near Abasto. Outside his building, there's always a group of local guys hanging out. One evening, as Matt arrived home, high off of teaching a good class, he started talking to some of the dudes outside. Two of them spoke English, and Matt was in such a good mood, he invited them up to his apartment to hang out. Once inside, the guys turned on him, beating the crap out of him and knocking him out cold. When Matt came to, the guys were still there, trashing the place and robbing him blind. One of them told Matt in English, "Stay on the floor!" Matt replied in Spanish, "I'm not going to fight." The others were busy breaking his table and pouring milk all over the floor. The last thing he saw was one of the guys putting on Matt's coat which had $1000 stashed in a pocket. The guy then took Matt's keys and locked him inside (the locks here have keyholes on both sides). The first time I met Matt was about a week after the attack. He had two black eyes and contusions all over his face, not to mention stitches in the side of his mouth. He told me how the police had to break down his door to get in and his landlady was asking for money for the damages. All in all, he lost $1000, his passport, and his custom bass guitar, among other things. Strangely, these guys didn't have the presence of mind to take his wallet out of his pocket too. Matt explained to me that the most frustrating part of his experience started when he went to the bank to pick up money from a wire transfer. The bank said that they needed to see his passport in order to turn over the money. Having lost his passport, Matt went to the U.S. Embassy where he was told that they needed money in order to issue him a new passport. On a more positive note, Matt had no hospital bills since all the medical treatment he received at his local public hospital was free of charge. Last I heard, Matt is sticking it out in Buenos Aires and he's looking for a new apartment in a nicer neighborhood due to the mala onda (bad vibes) of his apartment in Abasto. What a trooper!

Now I know that there are some of you out there who are rolling your eyes and saying, "Gee, thanks for the advice, but I live in (INSERT NAME OF MAJOR BIG BAD CITY HERE) and I've got plenty of street smarts, thank you very much." Fine, then I say to you as a Los Angeleano (home of the original freeway shooting) that the major difference here is that you're a foreigner. I don't care if you hire Henry Higgins himself, 95% of you will never sounds like a porteño. On top of that, a large number of you will sound like total gringos (a word they don't use here, by the way). If someone suspects that you're a foreigner, this can lead to the assumption that you have something worth stealing. That means that you are perceived as a juicier target here than in the "bad" neighborhoods at home. The other thing that I'd like to bring up is that while I'm known to "slum it" in L.A., I don't hang out on Skid Row. Similarly, there are some neighborhoods of Buenos Aires that should be generally avoided.

Either way, here's a list of hints to help keep you safe...

* Places to be wary of (especially after dark): Constitución, La Boca, parts of San Telmo, southern parts of Almagro, and the corner of Lavalle and 9 de Julio.
* Don't carry around expensive electronics such as cameras, laptops and iPods, or keep them out of sight as much as possible...and leave your Rolex at home.
* Pay attention to the people around you (this is how I've kept kids from stealing my bag on at least two occasions).
* Keep an eye, or better yet, a firm grip on your bags. Don't put them on the floor or hang them off the back of your chair.
* Be wary of people who approach you in the street. I so hate to say this because the majority of people here are wonderful, but you have to ask yourself, "Why did this guy decide to walk up and talk to me?" Many times they are confirming that you're a foreigner (by your accent) and possibly trying to distract you or gain your trust.
* Always ride in radio taxis (this is true for all of Latin America). If you're here for a week or more, try to find a cab company you like and use it as much as possible. There are robberies that are associated with taxi cabs.
* Don't carry or flash around large amounts of cash.
* Be careful if you stand up to your attacker. There have been numerous violent home invasions committed here by folks high on paco (which I believe is like crack, but I'm having a hard time confirming that information).
* Sadly, watch out for kids snatching bags. There are virtually no consequences for minors who commit crimes, so many times older thieves put together a band of kids to do the real stealing.
* Watch out for police bribes. Sadly, the police don't seem to help too much in most situations here.
* In case you need to make an insurance claim, photograph your valuables and write down the serial numbers of electronics. You probably won't be able to recover your stuff, but you never know, and you might get compensated for it all back home.

Back to my evening with Tyler...after coffee, I showed him around the city center. We walked down to Puerto Madero and back through Recoleta. During all of our walking and talking, no less than three strangers stopped Tyler and told him to watch out for his camera, both in Spanish and in English. It became a running joke. Like I said, the majority of people here are warm and happy to help out foreigners. It's just the criminal minority that you have to look out for. So be safe, traveling mercies, and come to Buenos Aires. Now that you know all this, you can probably avoid most street crime. Not to mention, your tourist dollars will be much appreciated here!

In case you want to know, here's the laundry list of crime in the city, both perpetrated against my friends and others... Linnea, a Swedish girl who lives here on and off, was mugged in Constitution Park. Jazemin, an American girl, wasn't paying attention when she got off her bus in Recoleta. Two guys grabbed her and then grabbed her bag and fled. Brendan, an American guy, was sitting in a café when some guy came up and started talking to him. That distracted him long enough for someone else to take his bag, which was on the floor and housed his iPod and digital camera among other things. Yasi, an American girl, was walking in La Boca with a guy friend in the middle of the day when she saw a group of men grab a woman and try to drag her down an alleyway as a crowd watched in horror. Like many of us in that same situation, Yasi didn't know what to do. A story in the Travel section of the New York Times said that a reporter saw a man walk up to a Japanese tourist and snatch her bag in broad daylight on a posh street in Recoleta full of high-end shops. I can only guess that street was the seemingly safe Avenida Las Heras. Now be safe and get out there and buy a plane ticket!