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It’s about time I started talking about getting around town. First, let me start with the cliché description of Buenos Aires...the Paris of the South. What do people suggest you do in the real Paris (besides eating snails)? Walk everywhere! Same goes for this Paris, too. Sure when you arrive, you’ll have your list of places that you want to visit, but any seasoned traveler will tell you that it’s the little places you find along the way that make a trip. How do you expect to find them if you jet across the city in cabs all the time? So, bring some comfortable shoes and wander around for an afternoon or two. Of course, if you’re staying in Palermo but you want to explore San Telmo one day, you’re going to need faster transportation.

The easiest, cheapest way to get around town is on the Subte (subway). A ride will cost you 70 centavos and tickets of 1,2,5 or 10 rides can be purchased at any station (Just walk up to the counter and say the number of rides you want. Really. “Cinco, por favor.” is all you need to get a five ride ticket.). The Subte is not extensive, but it is convenient to travel around all the main parts of town. Trains run from just after 5 am (great for going home after a long night of clubbing) until just after 10 pm, seven days a week. Monday through Friday, trains run an average of every 3-5 minutes. Just be wary of taking the Subte during rush hour, especially during the summer months, because you will get packed into your car like a Japanese salaryman on a Tokyo train, and with the heat today, I nearly passed out on the D line. Even if you’re a high roller who has no intention of traveling with the masses, don’t forget to take a ride on the A line, the oldest subway in South America. This line dates back to 1913 and features cars with carved wooden benches, wood paneling, and giant mirrors by the doors so you can fix your coif and check for spinach in your teeth before getting off. Speaking of the doors, they are manually operated, so you have to pry them open to get on or off and then they slam shut from the force of the train jolting forward. It’s worth every centavo and then some!

If you’re feeling brave, check out the colectivos (buses). This is no small task as there are more than 200 bus lines that criss cross this city and they run all hours of the day and night. The only trick is figuring out which colectivo will take you from where you are to where you want to go. Luckily, there’s a guide called a Guía Lumi, or Guía “T” that’s readily available at any newsstand for about 5 pesos ($1.60 US). However, in order to use this guide, you will either need to enlist the help of a local or get your Ph.D. in Geography to figure it out on your own. Here's how it works...let's say that I want to take a colectivo from my place in San Telmo to my favorite Mexican restaurant in Palermo. First, I would flip through the pages of my Guía to find the page that has the map of my neighborhood. Then I would find the page with the map that has the restaurant. Easy enough so far. On the opposite page of every map page, there's a grid that lists the bus numbers that run through that part of the map. You look at those numbers and hope that there's a bus line that runs from where you are to where you want to go. If you can't find one, then you have to look at surrounding areas until you find a colectivo that will work. Okay, so let's say that about five solid minutes have passed, and we have found a bus that will run from my place to the restaurant. So, now you have to flip past all the map pages to the part that lists the routes of all the buses. Let's say the number 39 will work for us. We would flip to the page that lists all the streets that the bus runs down. This is where you have to know the city a bit, because it lists the route going and coming, and since this city is full of one-way streets, you have to catch the bus on different streets depending on which direction you're headed in. Basically, you're looking for a street near you and a street near your destination so you can catch the bus and then get off at the right place. The whole process usually takes an average of 12 minutes from start to finish, and that's assuming you are familiar with where you are and where you're going. You get to repeat the process when you decide it's time to go home. I'm pretty sure that I'm not capturing the brain-splitting frustration that is the Guía "T", but hopefully, you've got a glimpse into the most stressful part of my day. I lose my usual optimism when the time comes to find a colectivo, but my Australian friend, Aiden keeps his spirits up. "You can work it out, it's kinda like bingo," he says. I think I end up smiling at his Brisbane accent more than his optimism though. Unless, of course, he decides to figure out the Guía "T" for me. If you find yourself in the same situation, do yourself a favor and ask a local.

Before I go any further, I should tell you how you go about catching a colectivo. First, find your stop and if there are other folks there, get in the back of the line (I know, I was shocked that they actually line up for buses too!). If you’re alone and your bus is approaching, be sure to hail it like you would a cab. Otherwise, it’ll blow right by you. The main reason for this is that on busy thoroughfares, multiple lines will share the same stop, so you have to make it known that you want to get on. Once you’re on board, there are different fare structures on these damn buses depending on where you want to go. If you don’t mind speaking some Spanish, tell the driver your destination and he’ll figure it out for you. If you’re lazy like me, just say “Ochenta, por favor.” with 80 centavos being the full fare. Then, step past the driver and put your money in the machine behind him and take your ticket. On a side note, while the ticket machines will dispense change, they only accept coins, so be sure you’ve got some on you when you get on.

The pros about the colectivos are that they’re much more refreshing than the sauna-like conditions down in the Subte, and you get to see the city as you travel. One of the cons is that many of the routes zig zag rather than take a beeline. Then there’s my personal con...more often than not, after waiting too long for a colectivo, I’ll finally spot one lumbering down the street only to be followed by another colectivo of the same line right on its tail. Yep, the colectivos often piggyback each other for some frustrating, God-forsaken reason!

If all of this sounds like too much for you, you can always just yell, “Taxi!” and get your own private ride. While taxis are generally out of my budget, you’ll find them ridiculously cheap. For example, the base fare is about $1.98 AR ($0.60 US) and it’s hard to drop more than about $5.00 US on any given trip. Not to mention, most of the cab drivers in this city are pretty cool. The best cab ride so far was a couple of months ago. I went out dancing with some friends and we tried to catch a cab back home. The street was packed with people from the club hailing cabs, so we were trying our best to join the fray. Suddenly I turned around to see my friend Kevin hail a taxi whose cabbie had a giant, slightly bloody bandage across his forehead. All I could think was that this wasn't a good sign, but I couldn't have been more wrong. He was a very safe driver, and more importantly he was blasting Frank Sinatra. I couldn't help but smile. We all got to talking, and he switched to playing various versions of "The Girl from Ipanema". It helped to calm us down after dancing all night. We gave him a tip, which was nice because no one tips cabbies here.

Last bit of advice, don’t forget that in Buenos Aires, as in all of Latin America, you should only ride in radio taxis. Otherwise you could be fleeced on your fare or even worse!

So there you have it, Buenos Aires transportation in a nutshell. Hope it treats you right once you’re down here! Traveling mercies, y’all!